waiting…
the wait is killing me… wat if i dun get it??? k fine life goes on..but such a good opportunity. insyaAllah, if it’s mine it cant run away…if it’s not..well..there has to be some hikmah behind it. i learnt a lot here…but its time for me to move on..i cant waste my time here… i want a good career..this is not the way to go…i’ll be stuck here… no… i hav to go…
of ups and downs
this wk has nothing but downs…with the ony ups being after work when i met hL, fel n shujuan to celebrate hl’s bdae..and yes, the short meet ups w an.. but minus tt..work has been…nothing but challenging…
and so much tt i could take b4 i broke down… i dun understand y the bosses should pick on such nitty gritty stuff… and y i should be blamed on stuff that is not within my control… and y i should be tending to their every command… and y i’m expected to handle the office..y on one hand they told me i should be the one giving the deployment to the office…and on the other hand..they are telling me tt no, i should hav done this… i feel quite stiffled… where do i stand? and w all the expectations and no training, no guidance, how am i supposed to perform? i feel so lost…
but no, i’m not giving up. i wanted challenge..i’m given challenge.. and i am confident tt i can do it. yes, i can do this…
quick getaway..amidst the h1n1…
yes! despite the h1n1 and my P going i appreciate it if staff dun travel abroad… i still managed to go ahead w my travel plans w nad to saigon vietnam on 18-22 june… to sum up the trip… 4 days of fun, eye opener and pure relaxation…away from the irritation of work…and more work..and yet again…work…
so..wats the attraction over there? well… if u’re attracted to a country in the midst of developing..w bricks lying around..and dust all over…and motorbikes outnumbering the no of cars by 40 to 1…well..ta da! come to vietnam… but seriously, its an eye opener…it is humbling to see a handicap wheeling himself on the road and the motorbikes patiently waiting behind the handicap.. i mean seriously…i bet countless pple will start honking over here… it reminded me of how fortunate i am to be living in singapore in this era w a roof on top of my head..a comfortable bed..and food being laid down in front of me..when juz a few decades ago the vietnamese had to live for a decade underground w sweet potato being their only diet and the soil as the roof over their heads.. and despite the imperfections of the facade of the country..the people are so friendly and the pace of life so relaxing…despite the busy road..it doesnt seem as if life passes u by like it does here… it was a reali great experience…traveling is definitely great fun…will definitely save up for nx destination (china maybe??)…4 days too short..at least a wk for the nx one..haha..
Mekong Delta...the water is multi-purpose.....if u get wat i mean...
the artwork is simply amazing...
our family for 4 days...it was great to hav known them..even if it was only for 4 days...
finally...after 10 yrs of friendship..our first trip overseas together...nv imagined it to be vietnam though..always tot it would be JB..haha....
i reali wish i could be happy..i reali do..
up to the point of convocation..i’ve been so happy w my life…
i am so thankful for having such great parents..i couldnt imagine a life without them being a part of it…
i was happy going to sch…albeit the hectic schedule of meetings and watnots… and though i get sick of the word meetings… but still i was happy…i was happy tt i was free.. i was happy to bump into my frens…i was happy to stay back after sch to study w my frens…
i noe work wouldnt be as exciting..it wouldnt be as free… but i was optimistic…i was optimistic tt as long as i enjoy the job… and i hav great colleagues…everything would be fine…
so y are things getting harder now?? am i being compensated for all the happiness tt i felt in my sch yrs? first i hated my job in student care cos it wasnt challenging me intellectually and it was too suffocating to stay in the small little room for 10 hours… den i hated my job in ffmc cos despite the luxury of the office… the job is too relaxing for me.. so i tot hey y not get a more challenging job?? and i did! and hey… frankly speaking..i’m quite happy w the jobscope now…its challenging… days pass without me even noeing.. cos i’m too busy w work… but once something is given to me..something else is taken.. and so this time round it comes in the form of an unhealthy work envt…
oh darn..for gdness sake..its a small little office..y cant we all juz work together as a team..and learn how to giv n take…y muz we be so calculative?? does it matter how long someone goes for lunch? an hour? go ahead! i dun giv a damn! as long as u do ur job! i’ve given u the leeway…y cant u juz give the same leeway to ur other colleague…oh darn! i’m the boss! y is it tt i hav to listen to u! i call the shots! not u! y..y oh y..becos of one person..there’s havoc created in e office? the world doesnt revolve around u!
i wish i could do my best..i wish tt i could focus my efforts in contributing to the sch…but y am i not given the proper chance to do so? y am i finding myself trying to keep afloat by myself? y do i hav to settle all these petty politics..and at the same time try to learn by myself the gazillion processes of a sch?? y am i so unlucky to not hav a mentor? and y am i so unlucky enuff to get bosses hu dun reali giv a damn abt how am i feeling or how am i coping… y do i get bosses hu only care about getting e job done?? where’s the humanity in the sch? i love the teachers..i love being ard kids..but y do i hav to be faced w all these crappy stuff?
ya Allah, pls giv me the strength to persevere…i dun wanna admit defeat…i noe i can do the job…give me the confidence to do so.
with all being said..i’m thankful and i’m happy tt despite the challenges of work life… i hav someone hu has been there for me all this while… and for every single second tt he is there…i cant thank him enuff… cos wat i feel extends more than gratitude for him….
Musings for the day…
A boy comes into the office, crying.
OM: Ok, she will send you to doctor. Dun worry, your head’s ok ah.
Boy: *nods*
OM: *holds his shoulder and walks him out* Wah, you got baby oredi ah… (pointing to his round n big belly)
I just find it amusing…
2nd scene..
A little boy comes into the office, crying non-stop.
OM: Boy, what happen? Did anybody punch you?
Little Boy: *cries, and points to his tooth* (wrong, his non-existent tooth)
OM: Who punch you until your teeth drop?
Little Boy: *cries louder*
OM: What happen?
Little Boy: I eat then my tooth disappear.
This is the point when we start smiling.
OM: Baby teeth ah?
Little Boy: *nods*
OM: Dun worry, very normal! I old man oso teeth will drop. Dun worry will grow back. Dun worry ok..
I just cant help but laugh.. kids are so cute..haha..
yay!!! i LOVE holidays….
yeah!! it’s holiday again tmr!! so exciting… holidays make me happy! haha.. i dun feel like working today. i dun feel like looking through the files.. but ah wells..i’ll do it later. work thus far has been great.. it has been far better than my stint in ffmc… in what sense? it’s more challenging…to have P ask me i need ur advice on this..and looking at her blankly and go erm, i’m not too sure.. yeah, its stressful..but it’s challenging. lets juz say i think i’ll be putting wat i learnt in nbs to good use… appear confident and intelligent though u are not sure..but at the same time to be truthful n say tt you are not sure when u r reali not..
responsibility here is way huger.. i am overwhelmed on my first day here… but i’m slowly sipping it in.. i’m still reserved..i dunno what kind of leadership tactic i should adopt with my officers.. but observing them, i think i hav to be more subtle in my leadership ways..but i still dunno how to implement tt.. working in a way smaller office… well, it is cosy.. its not as posh as e previous company..it is not as developed in its facilities..but walking to school..looking into the school..its colourfulness…the koi pond..the garden…having the luxury of staying in office n stepping out to a place full of joyful kids…its great.. no doubt it would be stressful..and wat i’m getting now is just the tip of the iceberg..but i’ll take it on my stride.. working w teachers is way different from working with fellow colleagues..pple hu are of e same expertise as u.. they are great at wat they do..teaching and discipling the kids.. but i hav to get used to the fact tt i cant talk to them as how i’m talking to a fellow business major.. i cant be discussing stocks..i cant be going like hey, this stock has just dropped.. and i should be more in tuned with the education sector. and learn how to deal with kids… this working experience is great in the sense tt i can see room for development here.. but of cos..i am not seeing myself working here for the nx ten yrs or anyting.. well only time will tell how long i’ll last here…
well…on a lighter note, i cant wait for tmr to come! all the while having to fit in 2 hours juz to meet for dinner… sufficing to a meet-up tt only consist of accompanying me from the north to the east.. finally we can hav a proper meet-up.. n i’m looking forward to tt!!! =)
sometimes i dun understand…
sometimes i dun understand y a gpmate will take ages to do his part of the work..isnt it a responsibility to make sure tt the work is being done??
sometimes i dun understand y fellow colleagues have to be cautious with each other..wouldnt it be a better envt if everyone become frens and we work together to a common goal??
sometimes i dun understand y a fren can back out from an appointment to meet up w close frens… isnt it common knowledge tt maintaining a relationship requires effort..to have catch up sessions even though u can get busy??
sometimes i dun understand y i can get upset over teeny weeny things though i noe its not worth getting upset over… maybe cos u mean so much tt i juz cant help getting upset…
sometimes i juz dun understand…
meeting…slp..meeting..slp…
suppose u hav 2 choices…to be stuck in a meeting which literally makes u fall aslp and to be stuck in office doing work tt literally makes u fall aslp..which one would u choose???
i’ve been in both…i’m in a dilemma.. both choices suck.. i dunno which one to choose.. haha..
meeting juz ended..5 hours meeting.. my dearest officers were ord going home when i got back to office.. bleah.. such a super long meeting…kind of slp inducing for me.
my dearest fren showed me this video n it’s simply inspiring.. it reali shows the ugly nature of pple hu tend to judge pple from the way they look and their age. the beauty of such shows…
anger…can it be controlled?
believe it or not..this issue became a topic of discussion, or more of an object of argument, during an exco meeting in school. seriously, i think it was juz an innocent view by one of the teachers that if u’re aware of ur emotions, you would be able to control it better. especially if u’re aware tt u’re angry…
well..P then interjected disagreeing w the teacher. no, its not right to control ur anger, you should let it out. u should tell the person u’re angry and reason it out. i think wat the poor teacher meant was if u’re aware u’re angry, you wun be shooting off verbal abuse to the students..haha. well, anyway, P was very adamant on her stand which sparked off a kind of non-directional debate since i dun think they were on the same page to even begin with. haha..anyway, its juz amusing to me. but having said that, i would hav to agree with both of them. well P then brought up a poem that supported her stand..and i find the poem reali interesting and thought provoking…
A Poison Tree
I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
And I watered it in fears
Night and morning with my tears,
And I sunned it with smiles
And with soft deceitful wiles.
And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright,
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine -
And into my garden stole
When the night had veiled the pole;
In the morning, glad, I see
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.
William Blake
well, what i think the poem is conveying is that if you are angry, you should juz voice it out. and usually when u’re unhappy with your close fren, you would do juz that. and both of you would juz talk it out and get it over and done with. but usually, if u dun like a certain someone due to some reasons, u wun tell tt someone tt u’re angry..since u wun be in such good terms to even talk to the person.. and at the end of the day the hatred juz grew n grew n grew… and it became poisonous..
maybe it is true..but seriously, what makes the poet think that if u were to tell ur fren tt u’re angry at him, he wun fight back..and makes things worse?? oh come on, i think he’s being a teeny bit too unrealistic here.. it cant be all rosy right if u’re angry at ur fren right? well having said that, i would still hav to agree tt its better to giv it a shot and tell ur fren that u’re angry with him..yeah it can get worse..but there’s a chance tt the issue will juz go away too..so well, why keep it in.. if keeping in could juz make it a guaranteed path to further poison..
after 3 wks in office, i dunno..i guess i’m settling in..still settling in..haha..so much stuff i need to learn, so much stuff to observe…wait, so many pple to observe actuali..but this job is definitely not boring…i get to move around, work with different teachers, interact with different levels of pple..its cool. =) for the first time after so long, i am not doubting my ability to feel happy. hahah.. and i’m getting happier by the day because exams will be over in a few wks time! cant wait to go to the beach!!!
deprivation of the world wide web…
yes!!! for 2 days…or was it 3 days…i was deprived of access to the internet from my laptop!! and it was downright exasperating!! its not tt i was addicted and obsessed with e internet or anything…actuali i can live without the internet… but the idea of not being wired to the rest of the world leaves me feeling so…irritated..yeah, irritated..not sad..not insecure..more of irritated..
its not tt i’m the kind who needs to hav the internet to keep me going everyday.. if i chose to deprive myself of the internet for 3 days..i could do so.. it’s more of the fact tt it was shoved into my face…’YOU ARE NOT TO ACCESS THE INTERNET…MUAHAHAH!’ tt is irritating me.. there’s juz something wrong w my wireless.. i juz cant get it to get e freaking IP address.. of course dumb dumb me took 3 days to get my ass off from my room n connect my laptop via cable to the modem.. and wa-la..the access to the myriads of info from ard the world is in my grasp again…muahahha!!!!
so technically speaking, i wasnt deprived of the internet..i juz refused to accept tt my wireless receiver could hav gone berserk..no way, it cant!!! i’ve yet to fully pay for the freaking laptop!! it cant juz die on me yet…yeah, dying..i could see the possible symptoms..my laptop is having a slight flu now.. its slowing down… please, dun leave me… =( ah well, maybe it juz needs some medicine… reformatting could juz do the trick.. pls hang on for another mth..
long wkend juz passed.. didnt do much..my mum went to kl..so the family…k more like my dad and i stayed at home for most part of the wkend.. but its still relaxing.. i get to meet my v v special fren.. which totally made my day..though it was only for 2 hours.. yeah, my highlight of my 3-day wkend–which translates to 72 hours only lasted for 2 hours..exam period sucks.. hav i mentioned exam period sucks? ouh yeah, i did…lemme say it again..exam period sucks..
i’m actuali typing this post in office..office is juz a conducive envt to be blogging… busily typing away…the appearance of being busy… busy busy busy..ouh i’ve yet to carry it out…bring 5 bucks to work…dun think i ever will..wat if last min i decided to go someplace else???!! so after mulling over it..its juz too risky..i shall still carry my wallet along..haha..
